I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
