I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
