my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
