Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
