i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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