Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
