she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
