Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
