mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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