I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
