Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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