4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
