My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
