if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I will be naked everywhere
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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