Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize