At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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