We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
