You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
