I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We're too hungover to prance.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
