last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
