He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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