im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
