I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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