im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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