How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
