I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
