road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
