hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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