Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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