im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize