Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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