'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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