You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I supernannyed him into submission
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
