So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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