After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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