TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
