He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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