Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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