I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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