if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
