we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
FUCK WHALES
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
