Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
