You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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