You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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