its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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