We're facebook friends in real life
I wish I only lived at night.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We got so high we made milksteak
do herpes really smell.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
