what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
