Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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