The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
