i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
