I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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