grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Found your dick twin last night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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