He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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