Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
