remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
