Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
