a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
