I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
