At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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