there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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