I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
