i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My balls are so social today.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
