Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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