Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
