Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
