Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
